I got married at a very young age. It was a love marriage and I truly wanted to create my own family, bear my own children and be happy. I was twenty one years old at that time looking to the future with the dreams filled eyes... However, reality struck me harder than I expected.
First, I had to face a jobless situation and had to deal with constant in laws interference in our marriage, as we were living with them. It is quite common in India for parents to live together with their children even after they get married and have families of their own, even though we were living in Nairobi Kenya at that time. My husband’s parents lived there and my husband wanted to move to Africa as well, where he got a very good job.
So life did not look so beautiful to me any longer... Eventually I realised that I could not avoid suffering, for it was part of daily life. It really depended a lot on how I coped with it at every given moment.
After a year of marriage I came to know I was unable to conceive a child, so I went to a doctor for a check-up. In India a couple have to conceive within a year of marriage. It is believed that children are the important bond between the couple. My doctor was surprised to receive me, because in his opinion I was too young to even worry about such things. But the pressure from the family drove me to do all the tests regarding my fertility issue. I had to undergo HSG procedure, where they injected liquid through the vagina that allowed them to see clearly in the scan if the tubes were blocked. It was a very painful experience for me. Another one was Laparoscopy. It is a minor operation, where they inserted a tube with a microscope into my stomach to see if ovaries (eggs) were fine and whether it was getting released on time. I was pumped with a special medicine, which was supposed to produce more ovaries. Soon, due to fertility treatment I started gaining weight. The time came when I literally had to let go of everything. I needed to take a break from various tablets, constant pressure, emotional turmoil and continuous disappointments, as it was not doing me any good.
Then suddenly my husband became sick with Rheumatoid arthritis, though it was just in one finger joint. Doctors prescribed medication hoping it would help. It began as Gout and only later doctors found that it was a Rheumatoid arthritis. At that time my husband needed to take very strong doses of various medications and during that period we were not allowed to try for a baby. So his health became our priority and conceiving took a back seat.
Later in the year 1995, when he had a break from his medication, we again tried for a baby with IUI method, where doctors injected the sperms directly into my uterus during the fertile period. We tried this for a couple of months, but yet we were getting nowhere.
Treatment for my husband’s illness continued, but unfortunately the RA progressed faster than expected and due to the medication, within two years, his kidney got seriously affected. Then he had to undergo a biopsy to take a sample of the lining from his kidney which was sent to the laboratory to assess the damage. News was not good. In order to reverse the kidney condition, steroids were administrated. By this time his RA picked up, he lost movement on both the knees and all the joint movement was damaged. The damage could be fixed only through knee replacement operation.
My husband could not perform his engineering duties any longer. He was working as a General Manager in a paper mill, where he was in charge of the production and maintenance. He had to resign due to his disability. We went through a very rough period then. Everything was hanging by a thread for us. Fortunately, his elder brother supported us enormously; he was like an angel sent to us by God.
We wanted a change so badly, something had to be done with our situation, we could not continue like this, especially at such a young age. So the idea was for my husband to do some computer course, for it was the only thing, where he could work sitting in one place. However, he had no interest in computers whatsoever, so I had to convince him to consider this possibility seriously and take a chance. I encouraged him every way I could until he finally agreed to give it a try.
Sadly, my husband’s health was not getting any better. His younger brother, who lived in Atlanta, USA at that time, invited us to come. We left for USA in the year 1998 with whatever little savings that we had. We lived with his younger brother until my husband got a job as a programmer. Our new beginning was challenging, but we were truly grateful for everything. We were able to pay our bills and could rent an apartment and finally be on our own. Also medication he received helped him enormously, which made my husband’s life much easier and more comfortable.
By that time we were already married for nine years. During that time I got involved in daily meditations, which helped me to release stress and worry. By then I desired peace more than anything else in my life. I wanted to heal, to calm down and rethink my life. Meditation helped me immensely. In December 1999, my husband and I decided to pay a visit to the doctor again to see if by now I was fine enough to conceive a baby.
The tests were done all over again and, unfortunately, it came back to us as a rude shock. Due to medication taken over the years the sperm count had deteriorated and only IVF (test tube baby) treatment was possible. The cost of it was more than ten thousand dollars, which yet did not guarantee my dreamed pregnancy. We had no such money and so this possibility was out of questions for us. That’s when I began questioning life itself. I desperately wanted to know, what my soul’s purpose was after all, why I was here and where I should go from here. My struggle was far too great for me to want to carry on like this. I felt sad and hopeless. Once more the doctor prescribed me medication and asked to wait for six months in order for it to work. He also advised us to come back to see him again in June 2000.
One day while meditating I had a vision of a baby boy on my lap. Baby’s face very much resembled my brother’s looks and I was totally taken aback by this amazing experience. It was so great that I was afraid to even talk about it. On the same day my husband told me that while meditating he had a vision of our son. I felt numb and shocked to even say anything. Later we exchanged our visions. It was extremely uplifting, but yet we tried not to think about it too much. However, deep within our hearts some kind of hope lingered on...
I began taking doctor’s prescription at the end of Jan 2000. I felt very apprehensive about it; however, I was willing to give one more try. Two months were full of tension and constant observation, but then suddenly in the month of March deep within me I felt that this month was going to be very different. I shared this prediction with my husband, but he just laughed at me not wanting to believe. However, I was right! Soon after I decided to buy a home pregnancy kit, and the result was positive. I was pregnant!
We simply could not believe this miracle. The doubt still lingered, we had to wait and see. I missed my period and yet could not believe that maybe I was really pregnant. Finally, the doctor asked us to come for a scan without delay. We felt extremely nervous and afraid in case we were wrong, but our doubts soon were eliminated, once the doctor confirmed our hopes. I was finally pregnant! There are not enough joyous words to explain how we felt. I thought my heart was going to burst with joy and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was so thrilled and grateful.
Then immediately the question arose, will I be able to go through the nine months of pregnancy safely? My doctor instructed me what to do and what not to do. Besides, my doctor was truly amazed by this case, because there was almost no chance for me to conceive naturally, and yet it did happen.
I listened to his instructions, I was very careful throughout my pregnancy. The experience of carrying a child inside me was amazing. A living being was growing within me; it is something that every woman should experience in order to understand. I went through the nine months with patience and enjoying every moment of it. We took pictures every month to record the progress and how I looked. Each month was magical and full of joyous wonder.
Eventually, the final day for delivering a baby approached. We were nervous and excited at the same time. Finally, at nine in the evening I delivered a healthy baby boy, 7.2 pounds and 21 inches. The amazing part was that he really looked the way I saw him in my vision – very much like my brother. His son and my son resemble so much that they can easily pass for brothers.
To my great joy and relief my dream did come true. At some point I almost lured myself to believe that I will never be able to conceive. I feel truly grateful for life proving me wrong. It is a true blessing.
Now my son is nine years old and we have a fantastic bond, which cannot be expressed in words. It is just there. In addition to that, after two years a bonus miracle happened, because I became pregnant all over again and delivered a healthy, beautiful baby girl, weighing 7.2 pounds and 20 inches. I am happy and whole heartedly grateful to be blessed twice with beautiful children.
In 2001, my husband underwent a major operation, where both his knees were replaced and he was able to walk without pain. Now he is on a special medication, but is able to lead a normal life. Also he excelled in his job as IT programmer and became an Associate Vice President in one of the leading computer companies. My husband has come a long way to achieve the designation due to hard work and persistence. Within the short period of ten years in the IT industry he proved that you can change your profession anytime in life and you can succeed with hard work and dedication and with the support of the family.
~by‘Namrutha Rao’
Delhi, India
Copyright © Jolita Kelias, August 2011
All Rights Reserved
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