DARE TO DREAM by Mohanji

MY DEAR READER,

Please allow me to share Inspirational Stories with you that I have collected from people like you from around the World. I hope it will move your beautiful Soul, it will awaken you, it will inspire you, it will open your eyes to the fact that you can be and have anything you choose.

Smiles, Jolita Kelias

Man arrives to earth with sufficient fuel to complete his journey called life. He usually does not carry much reserve to accommodate his various detours, while living his more or less programmed life. Since his body, mind and intellect are new, his conscious mind cannot remember his past life agenda or purpose of this birth. The constant pressure for detours by the new conscious mind, due to subsequent changes from the original agenda, causes anxieties and fears. Unwelcome incidents of life are considered as failures and comparisons with terrestrially successful others make us feel terribly miserable. Some fall into depression or intoxication, while some even commit suicide. The only way to tide through all the events of life is to have higher awareness through constant practice of acceptance of oneself, situations, and non-resistance to life’s events. I learned this truth very early in my life.

The best teacher that one could ever have in this life is life itself. The lessons that I learned from life can never be learned from anywhere else. I can confidently vouch for this.

My whole life has been a roller coaster ride. When I look back, I wonder where it all began. Situations and events were so bizarre and out-of-control that I have now stopped thinking about my past. I cannot go back to the past and change anything. Past is no more. Past is dead. Guilt over past is bondage. I decided to have nothing to do with it.

My only daughter Ammu, to whom I was very much attached, was run over by a speeding truck at the age of four - within a moment, my whole life was shattered. This happened in the year 2000. My first thought was:”Why did she go? She was too young. If someone had to die, it should have been me. I have lived long enough.” The question about the meaning of existence kept bubbling up more than ever in my mind. I started questioning and exploring realities. What is the meaning of it all? What is life after all? If there is no grip on any event, how are we different from the birds and animals, who are also victims of destiny? They take birth, lead a clock-work life, and die or get killed. They live completely surrendered to existence and nature. Of course, this unpredictability does help them to maintain a sharper sixth sense than us. We are elementary, sense oriented, cloistered humans. Most human beings are trapped in their own mind and emotions, living in an isolated, make-believe world. However, when unavoidable situations pose threats to the intended harmony, we get thoroughly shaken. Sometimes shaken a bit too heavily and pushed to dig deeper than the obvious. Then, certain realizations take place. Some people survive these shocks of life, while others sink, drown and disappear in the flow of time. Some are lucky because they are able to see the light behind the darkness of their existence. Some people get further trapped in terrestrial existence and lead a life that oscillates between happiness and sorrow, just like a pendulum, until the very end.

Ammu was born on November 9th 1995 and she left her body on August 23rd 2000. In that short span of time, she touched the hearts of many. The strength and power of a soul can be ascertained when it continues to touch many lives through others, even after the physical body is exited. Ammu’s life and death had a larger reason, which I slowly started realizing after that tragic day when a truck ran over her 4-year-old body and she left this realm, leaving an unbearable vacuum inside me.

My personal endurance test did not end with Ammu’s death. Soon, I lost my job, most of my belongings got stolen in a theft, I lost my investments, almost all my savings till then were lost, I separated from my wife in 2003 – one by one, the Existence stripped me naked of more or less everything that added to my identity. I felt as if I was standing naked at the crossroads of a crowded world. A world of gross insensitiveness. Lack of money and lack of support taxed my mind and a nagging skin allergy that erupted further tortured my bare existence.

During these hard times I learned how easily people tend to brand such a person as a loser and would only provide free advice but never a helping hand. When a man is fallen and helpless, some people even take advantage of him, instead of helping him. Relatives and friends shied away from me and did not take my calls, thinking I would ask for money. World seemed to be afraid of me. When I reflect back to this phase, it amuses me to no end because, even though I was unwanted at one time, today, people fight to spend time with me. Suddenly, it seems, I have become of some value and everybody needs me. This is the nature of society. I have always believed that society is two dimensional. A two dimensional society can never be objective. It can never express enough optimism and consider painful situations in human life as temporary, or as a learning curve of the one who suffers. They cannot see the depth of a man, ever, even if he stands naked and bare. Society forces people to pretend what they are not and thus create a world of make-believe. Most people live their whole life based on pretentions. I refused to pretend and I stuck with my larger agenda. Even when I was down and miserable, I managed a quiet existence, with minimum dependency on others, including my family members.

There are many children dying, everyday. The sorrow of the death of a son or daughter is one of the most agonizing to any parent. That kind of loss makes the heart sink and shrink. The heart suddenly gets churned inside out and forces one to seriously contemplate the very purpose of existence. It leaves the person high and dry, filled up with helplessness. At that time I truly understood that money, position or power mean nothing – what can they be worth, if they cannot save the life of a little child? The sorrow of loss was too personal to be conveyed to others. In the midst of my pain, I felt as if others were too insensitive. After the fatal accident that took Ammu away, I felt that my sorrow was too deep and painful while others seemed to have returned back to normality quite quickly. I wanted to escape to a different environment, where nobody knew me. Nobody needed to know me, because my purpose of relocation, basically, was escapism.

I went to Himalayas - the abode of great spiritual masters. For me it always meant the spiritual heaven on earth. Nobody comes back empty handed from the lap of Gods and Saints. Each one gets what they need according to their spiritual eligibility or understanding levels. People with deep spiritual thirst will receive great elevation. Confused and apprehensive people, who come to test or taste, may also get cheated by fake gurus there. So, Himalayas offer a large cocktail of varied experiences. Tapovan was my destination. I had no expectation. I just wanted a change.  I landed up in Vanamali Ashram of Mata Devi Vanamali. She called me “SON” and received me with sincere love and affection, like a mother meeting her long lost son after ages. She adopted me whole heartedly. I was surprised.  Was this abode waiting for me all these years, or was it me who waited for this abode all these years? Did Ammu’s dramatic exit have anything to do with this rendezvous? I felt deep love and belongingness in her hermitage.

She was a genuine mother, who always displayed her love, true love, unconditional love, without any expectations. She said: “A son does not need permission to come to his parent’s house. This hermitage is your parent’s house.” I was deeply touched by these words that flowed from her heart. I felt at home there, instantly. This, along with the brotherly love of Swami Mohanji, made me comfortable and at ease. Tapovan and the divine-sent mother gave solace to my burning mind filled with mixed emotions.

During that very first visit I spent ten days in Vanamali Ashram, in the lap of Himalayas. A deep peace descended on me. There was no need to talk or express anything at all. Nobody was expecting anything from me. Nobody cared who I was or where I came from. There was no need to shave everyday or wear any particular attire. There was a major difference between that and the mundane urban existence based on pretentions. There was nothing to prove. I started liking it. Mother gave me a saffron cloth. I wore saffron and walked bare footed. I started feeling the motherliness and love of Himalayas. One has to FEEL Himalayas, its spiritual splendour, not just see its beautiful landscapes. Once that is experienced, nobody can leave Himalayas. Even if we leave physically, we will carry the deep liberation that it pours into our heart. Its bliss will remain imprinted on the face, always.

One evening, near to sunset, I was sitting at the bank of Ganges with an elderly saint. We were not talking. We were just gazing at the flow of the majestic Ganges, immersed in ourselves. There was no compulsion to talk, which was a big relief. After about an hour of deep and satisfying silence, the saint spoke: “The body that you called your daughter, her soul was an angel soul. She was an ‘amsa’ or ‘part’ of Lord Krishna. She is a powerful soul and she would continue to work through many. All those whom she works through will be blessed. You have a lot to do for the world. Start looking after the children of mother earth. You will have eternal peace. You will always remain blessed and protected. All those who are associated with you in helping the helpless, will remain blessed and protected too. Understand this clearly. You have a very high task ahead. Be prepared. Never pay heed to negative thoughts. Mother earth can be pleased only by nurturing and protecting her helpless children. This will give salvation to many. I bless you. May the Lord Bless you, too.”

This unexpected communication awoke new awareness in me. As a son of mother earth, it is my duty to love and protect all the children of mother earth. All the inanimate and animate objects that the earth holds in her bosom are her children.

How can I go ahead with it? Where is the path? Where is the money? Where are the people? I am an introvert. I am not a rich man. I work for my living - so many thoughts and apprehensions suddenly clogged my mind.

After Ammu left me, and after this communication with the saint took place, the resolve to express Ammu’s nature effectively became intense in my mind. Ammu was an ocean of kindness and love. She loved every being and spread a lot of sun shine wherever she went. Everyone loved her.

Like any parent, I was immensely proud of Ammu and loved her with all my heart and soul. She had a truly special glow in her eyes, something extraordinary, transcendental and angel-like. Her behaviour was often more mature than that of the grownups. Her purity, bubblyness and innocence made her extremely charismatic and her genuine love towards all living beings was extremely impressive.

I asked myself over and over again, what can I do to spread the same kind of sunshine where ever I go? I knew very well that I am not a child. I have the body of an adult. People may not easily accept me, or get attracted to me, as much as they probably would get attracted to the innocence of a small child like Ammu.

Another thought came to my mind. There are numerous charity organizations in the world. Why do I need to create another one? I could try to find the right organization that suits my philosophy and I simply join that. Then I found that most of the organizations have either religious or community agenda and are not fully unconditional. I could see through them and their vested interest of earning huge funds and using charity as a disguise. Most organizations are not truly objective. They create dependency in the receivers through continuous feeding. Charity that creates dependency is not charity at all.

Time thus posed a big dilemma, which on one hand reduced the intensity of my sorrow, but, on the other hand, challenged my future. There was a higher purpose to live for.

Spontaneous compassion that Ammu always expressed was the key to navigate into the future. I accepted the fact that apprehension and misunderstanding from the society was something that I may have to live with. I was still wondering - how can I express my sincerity in an apprehensive society? How to make people understand, make them receptive to unconditional love? Majority of people are so used to limited and conditional love that they would never trust me. I knew that I would have to consistently express sincere compassion towards people until they finally start recognizing it – and that I should not get depressed in the process. Our history can talk about many genuine compassionate people who were never understood in their time. Many were even killed because they chose to be unconventional. Compassion always existed in my heart. I never had to create it or deliberately provoke it time and again. But, convincing an apprehensive society about my sincerity was indeed a tall order; especially for an introvert like me.

Helping the helpless was my dream or rather the whole purpose of my existence. I never wanted my personal tragedies to affect this mission. I had to create the platform for expression of unconditional love, kindness, compassion. ‘How?’ - I asked myself. I knew I could not do this alone. I needed help and support, but who could provide me with that. I was desperately seeking for an answer. These were sleepless nights of deep contemplation. I communicated with many friends and some of them were receptive to these thoughts, while others were not. I told them that this would be a unique platform. One aspect of it would be a total transparency in expressing compassion. We could form an internet-based group or community and work towards common causes. The second would be physical and tangible expression of our philosophy – unconditional love, by setting up Ammucare Villages, or abodes of peace at various parts of the world.

The first step was registering a legitimate organization. The effort started in 2001. Nobody was willing to support it. They said that I am a dreamer and that my philosophy will never work in the modern world. They believed that no one cared about unconditional love. Trust was another issue as well. When I insisted that we will have no membership fees and no compulsory payments, they laughed at me. They asked me: “How will you run the show, how will you support the helpless without money?” I said we will raise the money through events and programs. Then they asked me whether I had a team for that and expertise in that. Thus, they tried their best to discourage me. Finally, I convinced my father, uncle and a few friends to register Ammucare in India. Everyone, except my father, was sceptical. They insisted this organization will not survive for even one year. I replied: “If my intentions are pure, if the world needs such an organization, it will survive. If my intentions are impure, let it collapse. I will have no regrets.” We registered Ammucare in India. Looking back, it has been seven years and Ammucare has weathered the test of time. There is a saying that If any activity survives for three years, it will stay.

The idea of Ammucare as an organization which would cut across all man-made barriers such as caste, creed, country, colours, communities and culture, was formed when I meditated in Himalayas. I wrote a rough plan and showed it to my spiritual Mother Vanamali Mathaji. She liked it and blessed it. I became confident. After the registration, we conducted the blanket distribution for old and helpless in the slums of New Delhi. We financed the surgery of a poor five-year-old girl in New Delhi. And that was only the beginning. Over the last seven years, we did many charity projects, including support for the victims of Iran earth quake, Tsunami of 2004, Philippine landslides, Bangladesh floods, Lebanon war, etc. And, as envisioned at the very beginning, all this was done without collecting any compulsory payments from anyone. Everything was and remains voluntary and right people come on board at the right time – all simply flows as per the higher will and Ammucare is expanding day by day. This reinforced my theory that purity of thought, word and action always gets supported by nature. Likeminded people automatically turn up and carry out the tasks. Divinity definitely supports. Ammucare is a living proof for that.

Indeed, man brings enough fuel to complete one lifetime. That life-time becomes meaningful, if it is used selflessly, beyond the confines of one’s personal needs. There are people killing each other in the name of God – God can never be hatred. God is Love. God has no boundaries. God never discriminates. All are equal in the eyes of God.

Man’s selfish deeds are reflected in natural calamities. We cannot afford to be insensitive any longer. Mother Earth is crying. We have to ACT Now. Just commit to One Positive, unconditional ACT PER DAY. Hands that serve are holier than lips that preach.

~Mohanji

www.mohanji.org

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, October 2011

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