Prince on the White Horse – A Different Tale by BIBA (Part 3 - The END)

Continuation...

Mohanji's response was profound and surprising as always – he already knew everything!!! He said that he is fully aware of my past already because my soul came to him the other night and narrated everything. I was shocked and thought to myself – "What?! My soul went to him and 'spilled the beans' behind my back?! Unheard of!" That was another thing I never knew was possible.

Apparently, from what he told me, my soul felt that, in terms of purity, it was not sure whether I was eligible to be with a person like Mohanji. It felt inferior to his stature. It kept repeating to him: "I am not pure enough for your spiritual stature."

However, Mohanji reassured me that he doesn't care at all about my past, since that was my process of learning. That was such a relief!

What he told me then was truly profound and will remain as my heart's treasure forever:

"My path is clear, Biba. It is spiritual. I might increasingly become a misfit in the gross external world and I might tend to belong more to the subtle internal world. It is a great possibility. The transition that happened before I met you was the increase in communion with Baba and other Masters from different planes of existence. That will change further to explicit display of Divinity after some time.

“Will you be able to be with me through all terrains, all seasons, all dualities, beyond all barriers? Will you be able to accept me as I am, with all my strengths and weaknesses? Will you be able to cease from judging me for what’s obvious and understand the inner principle? Will you be able to love unconditionally and hold my hand at all times?

“I promise you all that. I love you the way you are. You must not change an inch for me. All I need is your whole-hearted, true and undivided love. All I need is your total support.

“I will never stop loving you. As the evolution gains momentum, we may not utter our love, but we will exist in it more than before.

“Our existence will not be usual since the whole world is my arena. I want to spread the Ammucare concept of unconditional love and service into the whole world. This would be my mission. Baba and all the Masters are with me in this. It goes without saying that all what I have is yours too, if you are with me. I do not own anything. Everything belongs to the Almighty. I just keep them temporarily. You are a pure soul, Biba. I love you for what you are."

I just stood there, in awe, witnessing the dream I treasured for so many years unfolding before my very eyes. I could not withstand this feeling of unbearable love – the tears of joy came into my rescue. I felt that meeting Mohanji has been the greatest event in my life – and still feel so…

Deep inside, I knew that he was a true ascetic, fast evolving in the spiritual path. His evolution was so hidden from the public eye, and he managed to mask his spirituality effectively. It became clear to me that only those whose 'third eye' (the seat of inner vision) was fully open, or those who were very subtle and intuitive, could recognize his spiritual stature.

No Graduation without Examination!

This was one of the proverbs I read in Sai Baba’s ashram. Its meaning became crystal clear to me soon after I met Mohanji. It was indeed logical - those who decide to pursue the highest (PhD) studies have to be willing to study real hard and undergo many trials and tribulations. The same applies to someone, who asked something as high as having a Master as her life partner – I had to prove to the Universe that I am 'up to the mark'. Therefore, the testing was inevitable and that is exactly what happened – sooner than I thought.

First test came only a few days later. The General Manager of the Australian company I was working for at the time told me that their profits have reduced a lot. They are therefore forced to downsize - in other words, they could not afford me any longer. However, he said he found an even better job for me, one that is more in sync with my profession and background. It involves Program Management in the field of Sustainable Development, which would have me working closely with NGOs in Africa, etc., but to get that job I would have to move to their branch office in the Netherlands.

I was shocked. Actually, this was the best job offer I got ever since I graduated from Notre Dame, but leaving Dubai after meeting Mohanji was simply not an option I would consider. Career or Mohanji – the choice was immediate. I declined the offer politely and, sure enough, within two weeks I became jobless.

Somewhere around that time, Mohanji’s skin condition became severe. He developed acute dryness of the skin when he underwent the shock of seeing the dead body of his four-year-old daughter who got ran over by a truck in 2000. Such deep pain is bound to leave some scar on one’s health, and this was it. For some time, the itching was bearable, but now it became too severe. Certain portions of his skin looked like that of an elephant. There were scales falling off, he could not sleep due to itching – all in all, it was horrible. I took care of him and was applying crèmes and medicaments on his body. Even though it looked ugly, I loved him even more. Later on, Mohanji told me that this was a test – Baba wanted to see whether my love for Mohanji was real or superficial. I passed the test and proved that it indeed is real and transcendental.

My physical beauty also received a strong hit after I suddenly developed a severe acne breakout on my face. This became even worse when I received a wrong homeopathy treatment due to the incompetence of a doctor who gave me pills for rashes and allergies – indeed, that is exactly how my face looked like! I did not know whether I looked worse when I applied make up on that red face full of bumps, or left it as it was. That lasted for a few months and I trained myself to still say ‘I love you” and “I am not the body, I just have a body” whenever I looked at myself in the mirror.

Losing the office job in the Australian company would not have been that big of a problem had I not had a huge debt on my credit card due to the bankruptcy of my previous employer (an American who still owes me five salaries). After two years of a lavish lifestyle in the posh area of Dubai, in a villa near the beach, I was not mentally prepared to suddenly shift into a lack and poverty scenario.

At the same time, Mohanji's job was at stake as well. He was working as a General Manager of a Shipping company in Dubai, but because of jealousy and continuous backstabbing from one of his superiors, his job was literally hanging by a thread. It was indeed interesting to observe how Mohanji was somehow managing to juggle his existence between the subtle world/ deep spiritual evolution and harsh commercial life. Still he effectively concealed his rich inner world of high spirituality. He said, “My spirituality is priceless and definitely not for sale.” For those who sought and “found” him, he gave them priceless spiritual experiences, free of cost.

One day, Baba asked Mohanji to shift his residence. He just said “Time to move”. Mohanji thus shifted into a more affordable, remote area of Dubai and, in a month’s time, I lost my job and had to leave my accommodation too. What an effective pre-planning and perfect timing! When I had to leave my house, Mohanji’s doors were open and ready to take me in.

Frankly speaking, it was rather embarrassing to move in with someone due to such reasons, but I decided to take the plunge. After living in luxury, eating in expensive restaurants, and spending all my free time having fun, exercising and taking care of my own needs only, this sure was a real plunge! I did my best to learn Indian vegetarian cooking, did all the necessary cleaning, washing, ironing, and was serving Mohanji wholeheartedly – this new Biba the housewife would have been a hilarious site to behold for all my friends. With loving care, I made our modest new accommodation look and feel real cosy. Because of the love we felt for each other, none of the discomforts really bothered us.

We really enjoyed every moment together, and even though the financial issue was pressing us a lot, spiritually things were happening at a very high pace – it was simply great!

However, on the physical plane, our situation was going from bad to worse. Soon enough, Mohanji lost his job as well and slowly but surely we sank further into debt, especially after Mohanji decided to borrow some money from his friends and open his own company. He thought it was a good idea to make us independent and also take care of the residency visa requirement for both of us. But we could not make any money through this new business.

My income situation was even worse. After a few unsuccessful job interviews for Office Manager or PA, I decided to try my luck and start a few Yoga and Salsa classes in different parts of Dubai, while also doing a part-time job in Event Management. I was experimenting and this initially seemed like a wonderful idea.

However, since I had no money for any proper marketing of my classes, the overall attendance was really poor - at times, I would not even cover the expense of renting the hall. With regards to my part time job in Event Management, that was another disaster – so many empty promises and excuses were there from my employer, but at the end of the day, I was working hard and was not getting paid.

Our predicament was changing from bad to worse, and soon we had to leave even that most humble rented house due to a strange government regulation. We moved temporarily to a friend’s apartment. However, it was clear that we were unwelcome guests there. And yet, out of our financial helplessness, we had to force ourselves on him.

I felt exasperated from running around all over the place, wasting my energy in Dubai traffic, and not earning enough to cover even food expenses.

This saga continued for quite some time – no matter how hard I worked, I was either getting grossly underpaid, used, or not paid at all. In the midst of it all, I was silly enough to offer to one spiritual teacher from India (who propagates scientific approach to spirituality) to come to Dubai and allow me to organize his first ever workshop outside of India. I soon learned that convincing people to pay money and come for a workshop of someone that nobody ever heard of was quite a challenge. I worked 20+ hours per day, every day, for a month or so.

I never thought this would have turned out to be the most challenging and most stressful event management experience of my life. Until the last day, we did not know how many people would turn up and whether we will even cover the basic expense of venue and catering. Mohanji was in India at that time and there was nobody out there to help me.

The drama that ensued out surpasses anything I ever saw in movies – one day before the workshop was to start, Mohanji’s friend who offered us to stay in his apartment for a while, free of cost, asked me to leave immediately. He said that his landlord complained and he does not want to risk losing his apartment.

I woke up that morning with such enormous stress and anxiety - my body shivered and stomach was completely upset. I had nowhere to go, did not even have money for food, and, at this age, was too proud to even consider asking my parents to send me some money. I was just out there, completely helpless. I knew this feeling very well, from 16 years ago when we suddenly became refugees and were downgraded from a 3-floor house in Croatia and financial abundance, to a status of a beggar, dependant on the Red Cross and mercy of unknown people in Serbia. I felt that I could handle anything, just not this – my very first reaction was “No, I cannot handle such humiliation again.”

However, after a bit more of introspection, I felt that, this time around, after all my training in Yoga and acceptance that ‘all that happens, happens for a reason’ I was better equipped to deal with the situation. I have already experienced the presence of the Masters and knew that I was not alone in this. I took a break from my packing, and instead of despairing, I started praying sincerely. I was ready to live out of my car for a while and cope with each day as it comes.

Within next one hour, I received a phone call from one friend, who said that she spoke with a friend of hers, Dr. Samata, who said that she does not mind hosting me for ten days or so. And where that lady lives - in Dubai Marina, the most luxurious area! I was overwhelmed, especially when I arrived to that apartment on the 46th floor, and offloaded my bags in the room covered with glass, with the most stupendous view of the city!!! What unimaginable ups and downs!

The same day, another friend got in touch with me and said that she knows one young millionaire who would like to take a few private classes of Yoga early morning. Out of joke, she said that my private class costs $100 - and he accepted! I called that man immediately and almost fainted when he told me his address – not only was it in Dubai Marina as well, but was in the skyscraper right across the street from the one I was staying in! I could almost see his apartment from my window. My heart melted in gratitude to the Masters – that day I must have been the happiest Yoga teacher in the world! I cried out of joy as I listened to the following song: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound… I was blind but now I see…” How sweet was this reward. Moreover, the workshop I worked on so hard not only happened successfully but was the best spiritual workshop I have ever seen. All my efforts paid off as I tasted the sweet nectar of Divine Grace and felt so blessed, so empowered.

However, that was just a temporary relief, like oasis in a big desert that I still had to cross all alone. The tests continued…

For another year or so I could not get a proper job. At that time, to make my experience even more ironic, I got the main role in a regional (Marathi) movie in India, but the income from the same was insufficient. In the end, the movie became a hit in Maharashtra state of India and I won the Best Actress Award, but to even afford the money for air ticket to go to Mumbai and collect the award was a great challenge for me.

In Mohanji’s case, things worked out a bit better. He got a very good job offer in Oman and soon became a General Manager of a Shipping Company. I tried getting a job in Muscat (capital of Oman) as well and went for a several job interviews, but each time my work visa would get rejected. I thus remained alone in Dubai, exasperating myself with running around like a headless chicken, all for small bucks.

Even though the depth of spiritual experiences I had with Mohanji was incomparable to whatever I experienced before, I still had the tendency of thirsting to attend other spiritual workshops and becoming highly impressed with other spiritual teachers that were more sensational, i.e. had more clout. However, after some time, I would get highly disappointed and would understand and appreciate Mohanji even more. I guess I simply had to go through this process… As all of this was happening, Mohanji never gave up on me, knowing that I would recognize him sooner or later. It took me more than two years to reach this point. I am so grateful to him for allowing me to go through these experiences, because nothing except experiential learning would have taught me this lesson.

As I got to know Mohanji better (in this life, that is) I noticed one thing about him that I got to admire a lot - even when he was in great pain and distress, or in greatest financial crisis, he would not ask anything for himself from the Masters. When I once asked him why he doesn't seek their help in such situations, he answered: “I know that Masters are with me all the time and I surrender to their will fully. If I am to go through some experiences for the purpose of karmic cleansing, so be it. Otherwise, what surrender are we talking about?”

It is an indescribable blessing to get to experience direct presence of enlightened Masters, whose sole purpose is to lead us to liberation, inspire us to seek more earnestly, to point towards the right direction at times when we get side tracked. Masters are like road signs – at the right time, the right Master appears to guide the seeker.

Since Mohanji does not encourage futuristic thinking and fortune telling, I have no idea how our story in this life will unfold. However, one thing is for sure – I will do my best to "serve all, love all" and see this entire creation as part of myself. The rest, I know, will happen by itself.

After a deep retrospection about my life's dream and my relationship with Mohanji, I concluded that it was unconditionality that made my love much, much deeper, stronger and more profound. Deep inside I knew that Mohanji belongs to the world, and that I cannot own him. This truth indeed reduces the expectations and increases the unconditionality in a relationship. It is a great feeling and a grand collaboration.

Several mouths conveyed me the message of not being able to 'own' Mohanji at different occasions. However, that never made me even a bit insecure. It only reinforced the purpose of my existence in relationship with him. And with all my heart I know - that purpose is truly divine and a cosmic necessity.

May this autobiographical write up be yet another act of service from my side, aimed at those, who want to seek the highest in this life, but need just a bit of nudge, just a bit of inspiration and encouragement to make that first crucial step and dare to ask that special something from the Universe sincerely. The very fact that you have had the patience to read this long sharing means that you are thirsty, that you are ready to take the plunge. Just go for it!

And please, do not share your dream and ask any advice on spiritual matters from the unenlightened beings loaded with intellectual garbage. When I once told one friend of mine (who is much elder to me in physical age and thus considers himself wise) about my dream to have a life partner who is actually a Master, he told me: "I can't believe how immature you are. My dear, this is a typical story of a little girl fantasizing about her ‘prince on the white horse’. Phew! I thought you would have outgrown that by now. Get REAL or you will remain single all your life, wasting it on daydreaming and illusion of happiness."

Needless to say, I am happy I never gave up and held onto the feeble and subtle, but eternally powerful, voice of my soul, whose whispers made my heart dance as I innocently chose to believe, no matter what – "Yes, he will arrive, my Prince on the White Horse."

Nothing but love,

Biba

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, November 2011

All Rights Reserved