He laughed (last chapter) - The Little Prince



I realized clearly that something extraordinary was happening. I was holding him close in my arms as if he were a little child; and yet it seemed to me that he was rushing headlong toward an abyss from which I could do nothing to restrain him . . .

His look was very serious, like some one lost far away.

"I have your sheep. And I have the sheep's box. And I have the muzzle . . ."

And he gave me a sad smile.

I waited a long time. I could see that he was reviving little by little.

"Dear little man," I said to him, "you are afraid . . ."

He was afraid, there was no doubt about that. But he laughed lightly.

"I shall be much more afraid this evening . . ."

Once again I felt myself frozen by the sense of something irreparable. And I knew that I could not bear the thought of never hearing that laughter any more. For me, it was like a spring of fresh water in the desert.

"Little man," I said, "I want to hear you laugh again."

But he said to me:

"Tonight, it will be a year . . . My star, then, can be found right above the place where I came to the Earth, a year ago . . ."

"Little man," I said, "tell me that it is only a bad dream--this affair of the snake, and the meeting-place, and the star . . ."

But he did not answer my plea. He said to me, instead:

"The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen . . ."

"Yes, I know . . ."

"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers . . ."

"Yes, I know . . ."

"It is just as it is with the water. Because of the pulley, and the rope, what you gave me to drink was like music. You remember--how good it was."

"Yes, I know . . ."

"And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better, like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens . . . they will all be your friends. And, besides, I am going to make you a present . . ."

He laughed again.

"Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!"

"That is my present. Just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water . . ."

"What are you trying to say?"

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You--you alone--will have the stars as no one else has them--"

"What are you trying to say?"

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you--will have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure . . . And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you . . ."

And he laughed again.

"It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh . . ."

******* ~by Antoine de Saint Exupéry

All is Related by Jolita Kelias

(Excerpt from Conversation between Celina and Rose from my upcoming third book (novel))

Waves one by one were gently resting onto the seashore that she sat. They came, wet her feet and left. At the beginning she felt them touching her feet, but later became unaware of it any longer. Waves came and went, and she sat there lost in her thoughts. She thought about relationships and the role they had in people’s life...

“It is not that relationships are only between people. Everything around you and within you is in a relationship. All is interconnected.”

Celina lifted her head wondering who was talking to her. There was a housekeeper Rose standing by her right side kindly looking at her. Her eyes were smiling.

“How did you know what I was thinking?” the girl asked.

“I did not know, I just chose the topic at random,” Rose answered. “However, I am glad to know I got it right,” she smiled and slowly sat down on the sand next to Celina.

“You see, the sea...is one. There are no pieces of it that are separated. All is dancing and moving in unity,” the woman continued speaking. “Look around you. What do you see?”

Celina looked around. She saw tall trees covered in green leaves and blossoms, she saw sand dunes, she saw sand and its small grains, she looked up and saw seagulls flying in the air, she saw a light blue sky and the sun far high in the horizon...

“You see a lot, don’t you?” Rose enquired.

“Yes, I do.”

“It is all connected. It all has the role to play and yet they are related to each other and to you too.”

“To me too?” Celina seemed surprised.

“Yes, you are a part of it,” Rose nodded.

“Listen, girl,” Rose continued as if knowing what thoughts were bothering Celina, “whenever you consider being in a relationship with someone, you whether decide to take a plunge and go with the flow or you choose something different to it. As long as you use your free will, you are the decider of your own destiny, but as long as you agree to go with the flow – it becomes your fate. You are not in control any more, you are being controlled by your own destiny and often that can be a good thing.”

“But how can I know that it will work out?” the girl wondered.

Rose gently touched Celina’s shoulder. “You cannot know. You only will know once you get into the whirl of that something, and yet no answer can be guaranteed.”

“Uncertainty scares me.”

“If you just remembered that you are not alone and all is connected to you, it would become much easier to handle whatever that makes you feel uncertain. You also have me. You have us.”

“Rose, tell me, why does life bring people into your life, keep them there with you for a bit and then take it away? Why new relationships begin and other end?”

“Why do you think?” Rose asked her back.

Celina had no answer, at least not at the moment. She turned away from Rose back to the sea and got lost in its depth. She thought, she thought hard but answer did not seem to come.

“I understand, the situation you are in does not look easy and can be challenging and a boy is a part of it as well, but...”

“But?”

“But what do you have to lose for allowing yourself to love, to love truly? You would lose more for not giving a try rather than denying an opportunity its chance. You would regret more for not going with the flow on this occasion than going with it. How can anyone regret for loving another person with their whole being? Don’t you deserve to know what love between man and woman really is?”

Celina did not respond.

Rose kept quiet too.

“Yes...but how long will that last?”

“Does it really matter?” Rose answered. “Don’t try to measure love, don’t time it, rather allow it to be for as long as it meant to.”

“But what if that is just a pure passion and no love?” Celina kept questioning.

“So what? What’s wrong with passion? You deserve to know its power. Forget what other people say, don’t listen to what I say; but, girl, don’t you ever dare not to listen to your heart. What does your heart want? What is it calling for that you cannot rest and be at peace? Give it what it asks for and just live life to its fullest. I am not going to judge you; Macy is not going to judge you and definitely not Oliver. And the boy...he already loves you, he will be more than happy to see you with his father. Tell me, what stops you from making a plunge?”

“Its possible temporality,” Celina answered.

“But deep in your heart you know that decision has been already made and no matter how long you will try thinking about it, eventually you will choose the flow?” Rose said.

“Why do you think I would do that?”

“Because you cannot not do it. You cannot say no to love, at least not at where you are now.”

*** *** ***

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, Feb 2011

All Rights Reserved

A Tired Woman and Universe by Jolita Kelias

“Why do you talk in between the lines with me? Do you really think I don’t understand? Do you really think I am so naive and powerless to read your mind? I can read, I can understand but yet it does not mean I will respond. You want my response, then dare to be straight and honest with me, with yourself,” Universe spoke.

A tired woman sat silently curled up in the corner. Her mind went blank. She suddenly felt so drained and exhausted. She used to think she can argue every single bit of life, but how can you argue with the universe that is all and everything? How can you argue the truth with the truth itself?

“I was taught to pretend that I want nothing, and in order for me to get something, I was taught to go around hoping that others will understand what there was that I wanted,” the woman tried to voice her thoughts.

“And so how is that going on with you, my dear?” Universe laughed.

This hurt her feelings. She is tired, she is exhausted, and Universe is laughing at her.

“Why do you laugh at me? You created me, so get me out of this mess,” the woman demanded.

“I certainly did make an impute into your existence, but the rest you did yourself.”

“I don’t understand...”

“You always have a choice in life, so you make one...and you make those choices every day, every single moment of your existence, even if you think that the only one responsible for everything is me – your creator.”

“So if you are not responsible for my life, then who is?” the woman seemed to be confused.

Universe kept quiet.

“Who is?!” this time she raised her tone in desperation. “Who the heck is then?!”

“You.”

“Me?”

“That’s right. You. Simple, isn’t it? Now you see, there is no one to blame, no one to point at, no one to keep accountable for your mistakes, unless you are willing to blame yourself, as if you haven’t done it enough already.”

“If that’s how it is, then where does my transformation begin?” the woman wondered. “I am so tired of looking for the answers. It feels as if I am getting nowhere in life.”

“You are moving forward, it just not to the direction you wished for,” Universe answered.

“No, this is not what I asked for,” she argued.

“Oh, really?!”

“Yes. I asked for success, for love, for richness, for happiness...”

“Ok...ok...stop there. Just stop,” Universe commanded.

The woman obeyed.

“Do you remember how you asked for it, how you kept changing your mind over and over again, how you tried to negotiate with yourself the terms and conditions and then how the following morning you denied it all, as you did not wish to seem too greedy? Greedy?! In front of whom?” Universe was thundering. “Do you remember, how many days and nights you spent negotiating your choices? Do you remember those dialogues you kept having in your head on and on?”

Woman’s eyes closed, she lowered her head and tears started pouring down her cheeks.

“Do you remember, woman? Do you?!”

“Yes, I do,” she answered quietly.

“It is not too late. You are tired of yourself. Let go, woman, of your history, of your past. Let go! Open your hands, your heart, your mind. Decide who you are and be it. No need to feel ashamed. Go and live, you have so little time...”

She began weeping uncontrollably. “But how?” she begged for the answer.

“You want something from me, come and ask me straight and honestly. Don’t expect me to read between the lines. I might read and understand but yet I won’t respond. You want happiness, then ask me for happiness, show me how you understand happiness and I shall do the rest. You want love, tell me about it in all honesty, show me how you see it and I will bring all the forces of life for it to manifest in your life. You want success, claim it, tell me about it directly, show me how you understand it and I, your creator, will go to the end of the world to bring it all for you. You asked me to answer to your questions today, so I am here doing it right now. Do you hear me? Can you hear me? Do you want to hear me? Speak to me directly, open your heart, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, be honest, and I shall respond accordingly. I love you. I love you so much. I make myself vulnerable each time I tell you how much I love you and yet my strength lies in my vulnerability. I want what you want for yourself. Ask me. Tell me. Show me. And have faith in me.”

~Jolita Kelias

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, Feb 2011

All Rights Reserved

INTERVIEW with VERA KONDILI – Living Life to the fullest while in the arms of Cancer

She is a woman warrior. A mother. A wife. A friend. A Miracle. Vera Kondili has been healing from cancer pretty much all her life. She has encountered pain, fear, frustration, desperation, hope, and with every day, with every step her faith grew stronger and stronger. Now she is here to convey her personal message, to share, to pour her heart out in hope it might help at least one person... It makes me wonder, where does one find so much strength to fight the adversity and yet live life to the fullest?

I am aware that you have been healing from various forms of cancer since the age of six. How old are you now, Vera?

I am 38 years old.

How are you now?

The last two months I feel much better and have less pain. But there are days when I ache, feel dizzy, weak, and yet every day I hope that it is the last illness and the first day of my new healthy life. I keep praying and hoping for the miracle, Jolita. I have no intention to give up. Lately the amount of medicines I have to take has decreased, there is no metastasis at least until this moment and the doctors are much more optimistic.

You have been healing from various forms of cancer since the age of six. Tell me please, does the fight and healing get any easier with time?

There are moments when I think I am a very tough fighter, that I am stronger than the illness that keeps reoccurring in me. When I was a child, I did not understand the gravity of the situation, I took it easy. Hospitals, doctors, drugs, interventions within time denied me my childhood, because most of my childhood I spent healing. I used to ask my mother why I was not like other children, why I could not play outside with my friends, but instead had to stay indoors, why I was not allowed to attend kindergarten... To be honest, not being able to attend kindergarten and be surrounded by other children was a huge problem for me. This is my biggest complaint to life to this day.

Within time I realized what was happening to me and by then I already knew that I had to stay strong in order to heal. I had to stay strong for my parents, because every time there was surgery to come, family seemed to fall into pieces, and so I chose to be calm and go with the flow in hope to ease the situation. And I fought, I healed and I lived. However, I don’t say it was or is easy. It never was easy and never will.

There are moments when I feel weak and afraid. That’s when fear grabs me with its claws and shakes me. That’s when I begin questioning my life, the purpose of these illnesses and the outcome of everything...

What forms of cancer have you experienced so far?

There was a tumour in the thyroid gland. When we realized it, it had already metastasized to the lymph nodes in the neck, it effected metastatic lymph nodes and doctors operated on the armpits and belly. A few years later a tumour appeared in the pituitary gland of the brain, it was extremely painful, I began losing my eyesight, but after a satisfactory surgery I began to heal once more. However, soon afterwards it harmed my spine and kidney, and surgery was necessary again. Then, the doctors discovered that cancer cells infected the intestine and they had to remove a section of it. Uterus, ovaries and cervix are ongoing, but this did not and will not frighten me. I am a fighter, I am a strong believer. I am a Healer.

How many surgeries have you had in the year of 2010?

Previous year alone I have had four surgeries: three gynaecological and one on the spine. I had to have one on the neck, but doctors stopped me from having it. According to them, it was too much. So, therefore, I had a therapy for the neck.

You mentioned to me that you are going to have one more surgery soon. What kind of surgery is it?

This time will be done specifically for my throat the one that I could not do in 2010.

Vera, what dialogue do you have with yourself every time you go through such kind of challenges? Your journey in this life is truly very tough...

The dialogues vary. I remember, when I was six years old, I wanted to run to my grandfather and hide behind him once I saw the door of the hospital. I yelled to my mom, “Let me go, I want my grandfather, I want to go to the sea, I want to play!” When I was coming out of anaesthesia, I saw my stepfather holding my hand. He was encouraging me with his loving words and gently touching my hand, while my mother was hiding somewhere in the back of the room and crying. It was then when I first time spoke to myself, "It hurts so much, oh God, help my mommy, don’t let her cry. My God, what is happening to me? I want to go home and be a child once more.” I was just a little girl then.

The older I got, the angrier I felt towards myself, towards God, towards life. I began to get angry with myself whenever I felt alone, helpless, different, I argued with myself, I was tortured by my own thoughts and at times this resulted in losing the power that I had. However, I also started to believe in the uniqueness of every living being and the possibilities available to all of us. I must say, my grandfather helped me a lot. He lived quite away from us, but I used to spend lots of time with him, especially while sick. His house was in a small village next to the sea with plenty of fresh, clean air. Whenever I went home from my visits to my grandpa, I felt more and more mature, stronger, I felt I had a lot of power within me and I even had courage to admit having to battle cancer. I was determined to grow up, to have a family, children and see them mature into happy adults. Every time I arrived at the hospital door, I smiled with unwavering faith determined to heal and go home as a whole healthy being. And I succeeded every single time.

I remember when my first daughter was just six months old I had to go to the hospital for the test results. I went there on my own. My doctor said then, "Vera, there is a tumour in your head. You must go to England for the treatment. We cannot deal with it here, in Greece. The sooner you go – the better." I left hospital crying. Then I looked at the sky and began to speak aloud, “Hey God, where are you? Can you hear me?! Why are you doing this to me? What have I done so wrong to be punished in such a way? Come on, look at me and talk to me. I am angry with you, do you hear me?!” The people looked at me curiously. I could not stop crying. I walked for hours, my family was worried. I felt so terrified; I was looking for ways to regain my strength for the upcoming fight. I thought about my newborn daughter, my life, my dreams, the rising sun... I was determined to succeed and live. So, eventually I went home and told my husband and mom the news. Then I hugged my daughter and swore to be back healthy and well. It was very difficult then, Jolita...

Who helped you to become a person you are now that has such a strong faith and belief in yourself?

My grandfather taught me the meaning of life. He was the most loving, caring, kind man I have ever known. He seemed to be always calm and have answers to everything. When I came to live with him, I was locked in myself. I did not want to play or socialise with other people. Grandpa did not complain. Once he took me for a walk to the seaside. We went to the beach and looked at the horizon. Then out of sudden he asked me, "What do you see, Vera?"

“I see the sea, the waves, the sky, seagulls and the horizon. Is that the reason you brought me here, grandpa?” I answered.

“Take it easy, baby. Help yourself, so I could help you. You are just a little child, don't be so angry.” Then he hugged me and tenderly spoke further, “See? The sea is your life, so long, so big, so beautiful. The horizon is your dreams. You can see them everywhere and you have to believe that one day you can touch them. The sky is God who loves us, protects us, takes care of us. The waves are your problems, but just for now and not for so long. One day the problems will be gone just like these waves and your life will be so calm and easy like the beautiful sea. Seagulls are the beauty of nature, all you see is beautiful just like your face.”

His tenderness and love made me cry. I collapsed in his arms and cried.

“Please don't leave me, grandpa,” I begged, “promise me that you will always be here, close to me.”

“I wish I could, but someday I will be over there in the sky, although I promise you that I will always be close to you here in your heart.”

His words touched my heart, my mind, my feelings... That’s when I changed and opened up to life and its beauty. When we got home after our walk I was very happy and relaxed. I immediately telephoned my mom and said, "Mommy, I am so happy! Grandpa taught me that I am special. He said that my strength is my treasure. I will be back soon and nothing and no one can take my life away from me."

Now I am living with my husband and our daughters in my grandfather’s house. Every day I go to the sea, to the same place I went with my grandpa. I see the sea, the sky and I feel him close to me. I know he is not in his physical body any more, but at the same time he is here with me – in my heart. I am sure he is proud of me. He taught me that the most important thing in life is life itself and that I should always dream and make my dreams come true. He taught me to be courageous to live my dreams, to smile because the wave of my life someday will be gone and then the calmness will take its place.

It was the first time that I believed in myself. By then I consulted him every time. There was days when the pain was unbearable and every time I felt bad, I closed my eyes and remembered my grandpa’s words. Even now I can hear his voice encouraging me and telling that nothing can be stronger than me, than my faith in life.

You wrote this beautifully. When writing these words on the piece of paper, did you cry, Vera?

Oh, my dear, yes. I closed my eyes and memories of my grandfather flooded in. I remembered his face, his voice, his love...and then I wept. I cry every time I speak to grandpa and ask him to help me. I cry sometimes because I want to talk to somebody and I have no one to talk to.

I see your grandfather played a very important role in your life. The belief he installed in you kept you going to this day. I am aware you are married and have two beautiful daughters. I know that Motherhood was another dream of yours since the early age. Would you like to share about it a bit with me and your readers?

I met my husband when I was very young. It was summer. I went to spend my summer holidays with my grandpa, and my mom and stepfather came with me. At that time I had no hair because of chemotherapy. That summer I met my husband to-be, we walked together on the beach, played our guitars and spent lots of time talking. He told again and again how beautiful I was. I shared with him about cancer and he told me, "Nadia, I don't care about your hair. You seem to be very happy as you are. I like you and I want to be with you". Eventually summer passed and I had to go back to Athens. I felt very sad, because I had to leave him and I was not sure whether he will be there next summer again. But when we were on the boat just about to leave, I saw him. He came close to me, hugged me and said, "Did you think I would let you leave so easily? I will be with you and I will never leave you, Vera". It was the first time he told me that he loved me. And since then we have been together for almost 22 years. I love him so much. He was close to me whenever I was in hospital and gave me dolls and toys and flowers. His support brought me back to life every single time. Once my grandpa told him, "You seem to be a good guy, but please do me a favour, never make my girl cry and never tell her lies."

We got married when I was 25 years old, and one year later doctor said that I could have a child. Three times I got pregnant and three times I lost my babies. The fourth time everything was fine, but I had to stay in bed and take medicines in order to keep my baby safe. I was afraid, but I was sure that everything will be alright. I was right this time, my baby was born healthy and well. I felt ecstatic. I felt the happiest woman in the whole world. I am so grateful.

Four years ago, I told my husband that I wanted to have another baby. He was not sure about it, he felt afraid for me, for all of us. My doctor warned me that I might have gynaecological problems afterwards. It did not scare me any more; I yet chose to have another baby. When he asked me why I was so determined, I said, “One day I will be gone and our child will be alone in this world. We must have another child for her.” On the same day I went to the seaside and prayed. I looked at the sky and I talked to my grandpa, I spoke to God. I asked for their support and protection. For some reason, I felt it was a right thing to do, I was so sure that it was a perfect time to have another baby. A few months later I got pregnant and for nine months I had no problem in carrying my baby daughter. My doctor thought it was a pure miracle.

Now I have the most beautiful family in the world. I talk with my daughters a lot, I teach them about life and love. I encourage them to be strong, to look at life with love and gratitude. I invite them to greet every morning with the smile. I teach them what my grandpa taught me. I go with them to the seaside and play.

Sometime ago my older daughter told me she did not feel beautiful. Then I took her to the beach, to the same place where I went with my grandpa. I hugged her and said, "My baby, look, the sun is rising. Is this beautiful to you?"

“Yes mammy, very beautiful, I love these colours.” She answered.

“Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. We all see it differently. There are so many people who can see your beauty - your beautiful face, your beautiful heart and what a beautiful soul you are. And you must see the same in yourself. If someone cannot see your beauty, then they are blind.”

“Have you ever felt like me, mammy?” She asked.

“Yes, sweetheart,” I answered, “many times, but I did not know then that we all were beautiful the same like our mother nature, the sea, the sky, and life... If you manage to see this beauty in yourself, in others, everywhere, then others will see your beauty too. But first of all, you must see it in yourself.”

A few days later, my girl gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, "You are the best mammy in the world".

What a beautiful legacy you are carrying forward! What would be your message to people who are going through similar situations like yours?

The most important thing is to love ourselves. To know what is truly important in life, and this is not to live only for money and only money. Many people believe that if they had a lot of money, they would be happy, however that is not true. Money makes our life easier on material side, but that’s all. People must know how to live, must know that it is very important to wake up and be happy every morning. Every morning I give a big smile to Life, to God, to my family and that brings lots of goodness to all of us. Be happy for being alive. If we love ourselves, then we have so much love to give to other people. See the beauty we have inside, then we can make other people see their beauty. Being strong makes us good fighters facing difficulties in life. That allows us to have experiences, to receive and give life lessons to anyone who need. Have faith. We have to believe to something stronger than us. We are all the same. We are so beautiful, so magnificent, so amazing... We must be proud for who we are and what we have within us. It does not matter whether you have a beautiful face, nice clothes, lots of money, big house... What matters is what you see when you enter your home and close the door behind you. See love, respect and a strong united family inside there. Just like the fingers on our hand - one needs the other and one helps the other. It is very important to give all the good feelings we have inside ourselves, even if we do not get anything back in return. Every night before we go to sleep, we must know that we are being looked and cared for. There should be no space for doubt and fear. We have to believe that we can accomplish our dreams and touch our chosen stars. Some people do not believe in dreams, some people do not dream at all. I am very sad for them. Dreams are necessary in life. They are our mirrors. Dreams are like flowers of life - we can touch them, we can smell them, it can make us feel good and give hope for the next day. And if some dreams never come true, it's ok, at least we tried and this is very important. I can speak about life for days...

I must tell you something, Jolita. A couple of weeks ago I had a check up and my doctor informed me that I need to have one more surgery. I will be going to Athens soon again. I told it to my mom and she cried, but I will make sure I am fine. I am determined to make it for one more time. I am sure about this.

How much long can you continue going like this, Vera?

I have learned to live with my problem. Once I heard the doctor say to my mom, "Have you got other children because Vera is dying?" But, you see, I am here - alive. I do not want to die. I want to see my girls growing, I want to see them be mothers, I want to see my grandchildren... And yet I am so tired... Sometimes I think I won’t be able to tolerate one more visit to the hospital, one more surgery, but then...I love my life no matter how hard it is.  I will survive.

How do you feel now openly sharing your story, your feelings, your experiences in regards to cancer and challenges you have been encountering since the early age?

I must say, it feels strange talking about myself and my problems, although I am a very joyful and happy woman, I yet prefer to speak and share. One of the reasons why I opened my heart to you is because I see so much pain, suffering and too many weak people around me. I believe that telling my story some people might begin to see the beautiful side of life and that would change their thinking for the better. The solution for our problems lies in our minds and our hearts. Each of us has an incredible power inside, it is well hidden and sometimes we need for someone to come forward and wake us. I hope my story, my thoughts and choices I make in life will help at least one person.

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, Feb 2011
All Rights Reserved

A HUMAN ANGEL by Jolita Kelias

He opened his eyes, looked around and thought to himself: “Finally landed”.

“Welcome to Heaven,” a voice greeted.

The soul looked around, there was no one to be seen. He noticed a spiral staircase standing further away from him, but otherwise there was nothing else to look at.

“Who is talking to me?” the soul wondered.

“You asked to come to heaven, so here you are,” the voice replied.

“I must say, I expected a bit more from heaven, whoever you are.”

“You asked to be a human angel, so here is your first opportunity,” a voice continued. “I am Archangel Michael. Nice to meet you,” and a white huge figure suddenly appeared in front of the soul.

He jumped on his feet straight away.

“You are not here by a mere coincidence,” Archangel spoke.

“I can sense that,” the soul seemed to be even more confused. “Does it mean I am dead?”

Archangel stayed quiet.

The soul tried to remember his last moves, his last thoughts, his last words, and nothing seemed to come into his mind.

“My mind seems to be blank. Why is that?” the soul wondered.

“You arrived at the gate of heaven, in order to enter into this domain, your whole being must be cleansed from earthly living. When the mind is shut, the rest happens automatically.”

“You said, I asked to be a human angel?”

“Yes, indeed,” Archangel Michael confirmed his words.

“Does it mean I am an angel already?”

“No, not yet. There are things you need to understand and take responsibility for, first.”

“If I am already here, it means I am ready to help you in your duties, I am ready to serve humanity,” the soul insisted.

Archangel Michael seemed to become very serious. “You were given an amazing opportunity to live on the planet earth; you were given all the tools, all the days and nights for you to do your work, all the people were sent your way, and yet you failed to fulfil your humanly duty.”

“I did my best, Michael,” the soul tried to defend itself. “I made a living, I had family, I went to work (actually, I spent more time at work than with my own family and I did it all for them), I slaved my time for other people, rarely I let myself to rest. And now you are saying I did not fulfil my duty.”

“Before you incarnated onto mother earth, you wanted to be a human angel, to serve humanity and help as many people as possible, but once you got onto that land, you forgot all and became wrapped into the earthly living. So...you made money, you made name for yourself, you had family who hardly knew you, you had a couple of love affairs and a few friends, but... Have you done what you intended to do in the first place? Did you serve humanity? Did you do charity work? Did you volunteer your time and effort for good causes? What did you gain on earth that you could not bring here with you?” Archangel’s voice was becoming more like a thunder. “Then, before you died, you remembered about us, Angels, and asked again to be a human angel as you did not have enough time to be one while alive. Tell me, who gave you a thought that being a human angel from the realms of heaven was easier than from the realms of physical life?”

“I guess you made it look easy...” the soul replied.

“If that’s so easy, then what are you waiting for?” Archangel Michael seemed to lose his patience.

“I don’t know where to begin...”

“You were physically able to help more brothers and sisters than anyone else here in heaven can accomplish in one day, and yet you wasted every single opportunity given to you.”

“It was not easy there, Michael,” the soul tried to explain itself. “Life was demanding my full attention, my time, and I could not find any more of that for others, but now that I am here, I have plenty of time for all and everything.”

“There is no time! There is an eternity!” Archangel paused for a moment and then spoke again, “On the physical plane you could have done a lot of good work, and you did do a bit of it but not enough. On the physical plane appreciation, love and devotion would have reached you faster and easier than working from the realms of heaven.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“When you were on earth, you often complained and moaned about people lacking appreciation and time for each other. So here is what I will tell you... We, Angels, work day and night, we never rest, we love unconditionally, we care for our assigned souls and we are there for them regardless. However, here you will experience the biggest shortage of appreciation and love you have ever experienced on earth. Here humans will turn to you only when they need something from you or run short on good luck or are on their death bed. Whenever one will say Thank You to you, you will hold it in your hand like a priceless treasure and will never let it go, and whenever the soul will say I Love You – you will hold it close to your heart and keep it there for the eternity, in case if that’s the first and the last time you hear the soul so sincerely opening itself to you.

“You failed to perform your chosen duty while on the physical plane and wasted every chance for giving, showing and receiving true love. Here you will learn how to treasure little drops of it that come once in a long while from your fellow human souls,” with these words he disappeared.

~Jolita Kelias

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, Feb 2011

All Rights Reserved

VALENTINE'S DAY INTERVIEW with SHARON CAMEL - Love Has Many Colours

Love has its own unexpected ways of coming into people’s lives, especially if one is open to receive it again after years and years of grief and pain...

Sharon, please share your story...

Last Christmas, alone and without family, I found myself reflecting that I was 44, never married and without children. It often seemed that I would always be alone, holiday or not, and each New Year brought a feeling of more and more hopelessness. In addition, it had been since 1994 that I had had a Christmas tree. That was the last Christmas I spent with my fiancée before he died of cancer in April of 1995. Over the years I became stuck in my life. Life had, in fact, become very difficult.

As Christmas approached last year, I was having a conversation with a friend. Once she knew of me not celebrating Christmas for the past 15 years, it was she who insisted that I get a Christmas tree: “You HAVE to have a tree, Sharon! Do it for you!” So I did. I got a beautiful six foot Frazier Fur. That was a bittersweet moment.

I spent the next several hours pulling out stored Christmas decorations, wondering what I would use. Did I even have enough lights? It had been so long. I began to decorate it. And, finally, the tree was completed. It turned out beautifully. White lights and blues and silvers. It danced alone, all glowing.

I spent hours every night looking at that tree. I was amazed by what I saw. Yes, this was a good decision, indeed. Only there was no one to share it with. I reflected upon Christmas’ passed, trying to find some joy in where I was at that moment.

One evening, I lied under that tree. My eyes positioned just so as to see the lighted angel atop it. It was there, amidst the twinkling lights of my Christmas tree, that I said a prayer, "Dear God, please don't let me spend another Christmas alone. Please send someone special into my life." Exhaling, I sent the prayer up to God and let it go trying to forget about it and my situation.

One month later, while on Facebook, an old classmate sent me a friend's request. We began to catch up with one another. So much had happened in each of our lives... We spoke of places we had been, what we were doing now, and out of this a lovely friendship began. Within a month we had our first dinner date and I soon discovered that being in his presence felt like breathing for me. It all came so naturally, as if we had never parted from the youth of our days. I had never felt this sort of comfort and ease with another person. And, before I knew it, it was Valentine’s Day and all of the holidays and seasons in between. We fell in love. Our time together has proven to be graceful and kind, a mature love has developed, a deep, respectful, absolute love.

Christmas was here again, only this time I was not alone. I was finally part of a wonderful family. However, I have realized the most beautiful gift of all: God has, in fact, answered my prayer - the prayer that I offered last Christmas and tried so desperately to forget. I felt truly blessed as I ended 2010 in the warm embrace of a family, who is all-loving, supportive and all-encompassing.

As I reflect upon my life today, I am reminded in every possible way that I am no longer alone. A sense of completeness now resides deep within me. My soul is singing loud praises of joy and gratitude for this amazing person who is in my life, a man who is a superb father of two beautiful sons, a man who is the son of two magnificent parents, a man that I love with every possible ounce of me. Yes, today, I can say, that the answer to my prayer is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined!

Do you feel complete now that you are in a loving relationship?

The sense of completeness I was referring to was knowing that I am finally at a place in my life where I can love and be loved. To me, that's what was missing. I had the desire to love, yet never met the right person, because I wasn't right with me. I still defined myself by the loss I experienced in 1995. I decided to take some time to really focus on growing spiritually and it proved to be a life changing experience, for as I grew and changed, I came to a place where I was able to attract a person who was not only good for me, but also to me, who I could love completely. The desire that I longed to be filled for so long was now replaced with the feeling of completeness of a beautiful love relationship. I grew to a place where I could love openly, honestly, purely and unconditionally. It is also a completeness of not being alone anymore. Although I am blessed with many, many wonderful friends, I do not have any family. Holidays in particular were very difficult. I have so wanted to share my life with someone for so long and Dwayne’s presence in it has been the most beautiful and magical of all.

You mentioned that you defined yourself by your loss. Can you elaborate on this please?

I hung onto that loss. I don't know why exactly. Maybe because it was such a life changing event. For years I would hear myself saying to people, "My fiancée died of cancer in 1995." And for years I didn't know why it would come out of me, why I was so attached to the loss of Jason... Today, I feel that at that time in my life, I connected my identity so often to external people, places and things, instead of going within. I searched for someone else to complete me due to mostly unresolved issues from my childhood. However, once I made this connection and was able to grow through it and shift it, I was able to stand alone in my own skin and feel ok with it, with me. And, most of all, feel an inner peace which I longed for, for so long.

Where are you now regarding your grief?

My grieving has been over for a few years now. I have moved on. I can remember and celebrate a life that was cut short much too soon, but I have moved through my grief and into acceptance.

What is your life like now?

Today my life is wonderful! In fact, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I have learned to live in the moment, to be fully present, to be grateful of all that I am. I am blessed to have Dwayne in my life and his two wonderful sons. There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thankful of being able to love such incredible people. I love waking up each day ready to embrace all that is new, while I never thought I would be able to live in this amount of joy and love. It doesn't get any better than this, for me, at least. I have worked so hard on myself and again, my spiritual growth. I feel like a healthy adult now who chooses to live in this joy and love which I spoke of. Changing spiritually has truly changed my life. I surround myself with positive people. I am a different woman than I was years ago. There is a quote by Arthur Rubenstein which speaks of where I am in my life today, I love it. It says: "I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." These words speak volumes to my heart.

Do you feel as if being newly reborn?

I am reborn in a sense of opening myself up to love - love that is all encompassing and wanting the best for others, in all their endeavours. I am born into a life where I feel fully alive, fully grateful. Knowing all is good and right and whole. I wouldn't want to live any other way, Gratitude abounds! I am living a life, reborn if you will, that is full of blessings.

Where do you think this inspirational life is leading two of you?

This inspirational life is leading us closer and closer to God and to one another. We have our moments of 'growing pains', but it always brings us back to love. I have learned so much about patience from Dwayne. He is forever patient. I have learned that we can agree to disagree and it doesn't change the love we share for one another. If anything, it brings us closer together. We continually look at one another and are in awe of our blessings. We remember life before and now we are so appreciative of where we are in our relationship. And, I also have with Dwayne a family that I have never had in my history. His two beautiful sons are nothing short of amazing and his parents! I could go on forever about his mother and father. They have been married for 53 wonderful years. They are so close. They are best friends. I learn so much from them. What beautiful examples of a relationship that is based upon God, love, friendship, forgiveness, acceptance... They are great examples of what a relationship should be based upon. It is no wonder why Dwayne is so wonderful! So if anything, it is Dwayne‘s parents that are the inspiration which has lead the way of our relationship. The love that they share is so powerful and real. Maybe Dwayne and I will be married one day. We have certainly discussed it. I just know that I want Dwayne in my life today and always. Whatever happens from here is just gravy! The topping on something that is already so delicious that I want to savour each and every bite and keep going back for more!

Sharon, why do you think you love Dwayne so strongly and so passionately? Do you think you would have been able to experience such kind of love and passion if not for the death of your fiancée?

Interesting question! First, I'll begin by saying that I love Dwayne so strongly and passionately because he is Dwayne. He is such an incredible soul. I have met and known a lot of different people and Dwayne is unique to me in many ways. I feel blessed beyond measure to know him and for me to know him is to love him! He is special, kind, loving, sincere, honest... So many aspects of his spirit allowed me to fall deeply in love with him. Our one year anniversary is on February 5th and it feels like just yesterday that we began our relationship. As far as being able to experience such a kind of love and passion had I not experienced the death of Jason... That could possibly be so. Had I not gone through this loss, I would have not realized the value of being present in a relationship, as all relationships experience finality. Going through the finality of Jason's life made me appreciate love so much more - the beauty in every moment, the preciousness of it. I had to learn to create beautiful moments from the date of diagnosis forward and I have been able to apply that same knowledge in my relationship with Dwayne. Life is beautiful and does end, at least physically. I want to be able to know that I made the most of my time with Dwayne, every day. To not 'sweat the small stuff', to embrace my time with him and not take any of it for granted. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I want, when my head hits the pillow at night, to be able to say, "this was a day well lived, well loved." And, to learn also what things I need to do, to be, differently. So, having said this, I think that Jason's death does affect the way I will choose to love forever. It certainly has up until now and I pray it will continue to do so.

Will it be your first or second Valentine’s Day together so far?

This will be my second Valentine's Day with Dwayne. Last year we were together only days before Valentine's Day was here, so it will really feel like the first!

What would be your wish for you, for your future, Sharon? What do you wish to be, to happen..?

My wish for my future would be for happiness, joy and peace. To continue living in what feels like true bliss. I wish to be married, it is true, to share my life with a spiritual partner. I pray this person will be Dwayne. I can't imagine it being anyone else. I want to go back to school, to continue to help others and to be of service as much as I can, to live a life of passion and compassion. To touch other's lives. To see Dwayne's children grow up and find a life that they love, to settle down and have children. Of course, whatever they choose for themselves will make me most happy. I look forward to a future of family and family traditions. And, of course, more than anything, to grow old with Dwayne sharing our hearts, love and laughter and pains along the way, and above all else, to be able to say, when all is said and done, "This was a life well lived." These are my greatest dreams of my future, but for today, I'll stay where my feet are, breathing into each moment and staying connected to the Light, which guards, guides and directs me.

One last question... Now that you have this wonderful Love relationship and dream that came true life you live, do you deep down in your heart experience any traces of fear of losing it all again for the reasons of any kind?

Of course, fear creeps in. I realize that life isn’t perfect and I am certainly far from it. I still have the fears of my past, my childhood, that when issues or situations come up, it can trigger that fear. I have had much loss in my life, maybe that’s why I am on such a high about life now. I know loss, I know pain, I know fear. I have learned that everything is based upon either love or fear. And, it took me many years to get that I have a choice as to how I want to live the rest of my life.

Today I choose love, but it doesn’t take away days when I feel like my life is too good to be true. Surely, something is coming around the bend to end it all. What if Dwayne changes his feelings for me, it could happen. What if his ex-wife tries to come back into the picture? That is one of my greatest fears. Dwayne always listens to me when these feelings come up and he reassures me always. Then, sometimes, I hear in my head ‘nothing lasts forever’, and here it goes again. I struggle with these fears just like all of us do, but what I have found that really works for me, and I’ll repeat it, is living in love and also in acceptance. If my and Dwayne’s paths change, if we begin to move in different directions, I know that I can let it go with love and accept it for what it is and move through it. That’s an important part, moving through it, allowing myself to have the feelings I need in order to heal any pain or hurt. That is what I had to do regarding my past. Yet, I wouldn’t change any of it. All the pain and the hurt, it all happened for a reason, and I believe that reason was to become the woman that I am today. I wouldn’t be who I am without all of my prior experiences, but I am not letting my past define me either. Who I am today is what matters. Where I am today is what matters. What happens is part of my path and I embrace it as it comes. I know Dwayne loves me today. I know I love Dwayne today. Everything else will take care of itself.

Copyright © Jolita Kelias, Feb 2011

All Rights Reserved